If you know me, even a little, you would know that I’m not a fan of resolutions. Nor do I care much about a new year. Time passes just the same on any random Thursday as it does moving from one year to the next. That being said, this was a very different new year for us. With so many changes and with a huge chunk of time opened up for me, I decided to start something on January 1st this new year. Mostly because starting a “day one” on a day one is a good way to count the days without thinking too hard.
We moved four hours away from what we had known for almost thirteen years. Sold our house, quit jobs, let go of stuff and the regular sight of loved ones. All this from November to December. By the 17th we were in a new house and trying to figure out what this new life would look like. We spent a couple of weeks resting, but our new normal was starting on the 5th of January. That Monday my hubby would start his new job and the kiddo would start at a new school, but I was jobless. Soon I would have hours to myself. If I didn’t decide that I had things to do I wouldn’t bother to get out of my pajamas. Real clothes are awful and jamies are soft.
Know thyself is a standard piece of advice I try to hold on to. In school I left reports to the last minute (because the flow state works best under pressure, duh) and on days where I was left alone for extended hours, those hours were lost in books, scrolling or binge watching until just before someone came home and I made myself look productive. These are not healthy habits. I know this, but knowing and doing are two different things. Knowing is easy. Doing takes more of a push for me.
So, here comes January 1st. The least random Thursday out of all the Thursdays I would be given this year. I sat down in the morning to write what I wanted to do in order to push me a little bit. Just a little push to take little actions that would have to happen everyday. At the time I didn’t know that the everyday part would be so important. Here is what I originally came up with: 4 things every day, 3 things every week, and 2 things every month. I have no reason for these numbers, I prefer being unreasonable.
Daily 4:
- 50 Jumps – I saw a video of a woman who decided to do this everyday and figured it couldn’t hurt and at least I could pretend I exercised. She also said she was happier for doing this and I could use some of that. There are other “good” reasons, but those are mine.
- Outside at least 10 minutes – There have been times where I am not sure I went outside for a day or two. Fresh air is important, for whatever reasons, plus I would probably have to get dressed to accomplish this. Little pushes.
- Make my bed – This is mostly from personal observation, but if the largest piece of furniture in my room is put together the rest of the room seems to follow.
- Take my vitamins – (This may be TMI for some. You have been warned) I take a vitamin D for sunless sadness. I know it has different names, but I don’t feel like calling it anything else and I like to think that it’ll go away when the sun comes back. I have also been experiencing symptoms of perimenopause so I am taking magnesium to help with the anxiety and a form of chlorophyll to help with the body odor that comes from hot flashes, night sweats and whatever else seems to be changing in my body. I have also opted for a small amount of HRT for the extra crazy that I have been feeling and the weight gain that is not improving with anything else. There is so much with perimenopause that I may write about it some other day (or not).
Weekly 3:
- Clean something random – Houses are fun in that they have all these spaces that we completely forget about, like backs of cupboards, baseboards, vents, and all the tops of things. Most don’t get cleaned often, or maybe not until you move.
- Sit in silence for 10 or more minutes – This wasn’t to sit and try to meditate this was for being bored. I remember being bored as a kid, now I use my phone to pass the time. There is a lot of science out there about detriment of constant stimulation and the dopamine/attention issues it causes. I also feel my phone is a crutch that I use to disassociate. I wanted to force boredom on myself to see what happens.
- Deep stretching – I am not getting any younger and my toes seem to be farther away from my fingers than usual. Maybe regular stretching will help.
Monthly 2:
- Write a blog (or 2) – I love writing. Even if no one reads it, I enjoy it. Like any art, it needs to be done consistently to be any good. I’m not sure if I care to be considered good to anyone; other my high school English teacher, though I don’t believe he reads anything I write now, so I’m safe. Probably.
- 24 hours device free – This goes alongside the 10 minutes of boredom. I cannot go to any device for any reason. Excluding emergencies, or a real phone call, I would not touch my phone, laptop, or tv. Definitely good in theory.
This is the list that I gave myself. Going forward I would never have more than 6 things to add to my day, but would always have 4 that were required. These were on top of the usual housewife crap I was in charge of, like keeping my house fed and family clean, or whatever. The goal was not to be perfect, but to actually decide that these things were worthwhile and simple enough to make them part of my days.
I was tracking my days down in a journal, but the days where I saw no progress for my weekly or monthly tasks made me feel like I failed. I had to simplify it to only the daily 4. I decided would do the others as I could, but anything extra was bonus points for me. I wanted to track my progress, not something that felt like failures. Perfectionist issues, but I promised I wouldn’t get mad and give up if it wasn’t perfect. Everyday was a new day, a clean slate.
It may be noted that at no point did I consider this a resolution. Mostly it was like an experiment in my mind. Maybe that is why I have done so well with it. Even in month three I have kept going. Usually I’d have given up on everything, except coffee for survival. What became the real resolution is that I decided to keep a promise to myself, as best I could, everyday. I would not let myself down and I would do my best each day. I was valuable enough to keep me true to me.
This was huge for me. I have been more likely to keep a promise to a stranger than to myself. It’s always been fine to let myself down, but not others. I’m not saying that being true to my word with others isn’t right, just that being true to my word also includes me. I hadn’t made that connection before. I am part of the whole that I need to be true to. I am part of the those that I need to treat right.
The success that I have had doing the daily 4 is not perfect, but it is enough to see progress. I write in a journal most days, to track if I did the things and how I am feeling (or sometimes I just doodle). I walk almost everyday with the dog, so that we both get outside; he’d rot on the couch with me if I let him. My husband has been making the bed more often. And because I don’t want to shake the house like there’s an earthquake, I stand on the concrete out back and do my jumps, rain or shine, while the cat waits patiently for me to finish. She may think I’m crazy, but I still have to pay the required pets to the feline goddess. Four things have become so much more than four things, and I honor myself in keeping them.
All of these words to tell you that I accidentally made a news year’s resolution; Keep your promises to to yourself, Katie. I am worth it, and so are you. Please do the same for yourself.
I love you.
Katie
P.S. “Do or do not. There is no try.” – Yoda. I am often reminding myself to not use the word try as much. I either did (and succeeded or failed) or I did not. To do something and fail is not to have tried, it was a successful way to show how not to do something. Or maybe that I need more practice.
Health Coach Katie 