I went for a walk today. I put a leash on the dog and we just followed his nose. This isn’t necessarily anything special, outside of the fact that the whole thing felt special. It’s all new. It’s all different. It’s all out of our old ordinary and I feel a little more awake.
We have moved from a city of over one hundred thousand people to a town of just over six hundred. We did this without any real plan and within six months of the idea being stuck in our heads. We let go of some stuff, stored some stuff, boxed too much stuff and put our house on the market. By the time it would have been thirteen years in our house we were moved into a rental, attached to a church we are in charge of caretaking. Absolutely bonkers. And probably the most stressful thing we’ve ever done.
My husband had a job prospect, but that wasn’t even set. Finding a place to rent that allowed a dog was a nightmare, until this place was practically handed to us. Putting a house on the market is the worst when still living in the house. Then still dealing with the house, after moving over four hours away, is challenging. Thank all-things-great-and-small that we had help. Without that help this wouldn’t have happened as quickly, and I am grateful.
So now most of the stress has passed. The holidays have passed. Life is starting to look more normal. Or at least our new normal. Every morning my husband goes to work and my kid walks to school, and I am left feeling rudderless. I have these hours where it’s just me and the dog. He doesn’t care if we rot on the couch, he just likes the company. Rotting on the couch has never helped my mental health, so now we go for walks around this little town we reside in.
I have to say I absolutely adore this little town. Is something this small called a town or a village? Whatever. Anyway, this place is cute.
As I walked around today it occurred to me, this place almost feels like a people-sized fairy village. Yes, there are more human elements and it’s way too organized for a fairy, but there is a little bit of magic, a little bit of wild, all over. The mountains and the trees are all around, the river having created this groove in the land for the mill and mill houses to exist. Part of the mill even looks like Howl’s castle (IYKYK). The streets are clean, the houses right next to each other, but the wild is just on it’s edges, slowly creeping back and always all around. The redwood covered hills surrounding us are beautiful, when the sun lights them up and when the clouds roll amongst them. It’s new every day and feels magical. The number of rainbows I have seen is fantastic.
Everything here is old. Like 1900s old. And I can feel the history. I want to touch the stone walls and hope they’ll tell me their story. I don’t do that, because people might think that I am weird, so I keep my hands to myself. Luckily my pre-teen isn’t embarrassed by me, but I’m not willing to push that. Anyhoo, walking around is slow with a mutt with a hound nose, so I spend the time observing everything I can. I take my time loving the views that I am gifted and feeling more than I’m seeing. It feels nice, slow and easy. When I am taking my time, and being aware, I am peaceful.
I am guessing that it won’t always be this way. I feel this peace currently, because I have spent the last couple of months in a bit of chaos, and the last few years with very few slow mornings. That is the yin and yang of it all. I cannot know or appreciate one without the other. The opposites are always right beside each other.
For me, right now, everything is a little less. Less of a hurry. Less stress. Less time away from home. I am less needed. I both love and hate this. I love the the time and breathing room I have been given, but hate the feeling that I should be doing more. My “shoulds” are a little loud when I am not working a typical job. Right now I am working through the feelings of not being/doing/creating enough. I am sitting with it. I can be less without being less valuable. I will be grateful and embrace this time of quiet and solitude, while I wait for my next steps to arrive, because they always do. I find I am grateful for the busy, loud times, too, though often in hindsight.
I guess this is all to say: embrace where you are at, because that is always where you are, and you cannot be anywhere else right now.
Love you.
Katie
Health Coach Katie 