The world is filled with change, lately and always. With this, I have come to understand, I really like my comforts. I might even fight for ones that are no good for me, just because they are comfortable, and mine. (My precious.) I can’t stop the shifting tides, and fighting the flow of life is foolish, but some days I don’t appreciate all the different things that come rolling in. Appreciation aside, what I can do is embrace the change, make it better, or accept it, without challenge. I am stubborn enough that “without challenge” is challenging.
Change will happen. When I choose to take a step, I choose the path I take. When I don’t choose the direction, my path will still move forward. That movement may not be in a direction I wish to go. Both doing something and doing nothing are a choice that will create the path I travel. So, when I say my life is out of control, guess who did that? Me… even if I wish to blame other nouns.
In my head (because I am an amazing conversationalist) I often think about all the cool stuff I’d like to do. These ideas are great, but they often don’t leave the inside and move to the outside. I can dream about being a better singer, but if I don’t do anything it’s just make believe. And my family is stuck with off-key renditions of songs they previously enjoyed. I also have a great habit of starting some cool thing, like skateboarding, and then stopping, because I’m almost 40 and this could turn painful, or expensive. I have heard myself complain that I can’t find the time to do the things I want to do, but now I wonder if that is true. Realistically, I am probably afraid of failure. If all these ideas stay in my head, then I haven’t failed. I could still do them.
If I break up a day in a healthy way, I can see that there are 8 hours to sleep (wishful thinking), 8 hours to work (or stare at the ceiling) and 8 hours for everything else. There is a lot to put into the last 8 hours, but even 15 minutes toward a dream brings it closer to reality. Doing nothing does nothing and brings me no closer. Even if I fail, I will learn something. That lesson could prove invaluable.
I sometimes forget that I can change myself at any moment. I can start walking every day, drink more water than coffee, go back to school, read a self-help book, engage more with my family, and become present in my life. I make the decisions on what is a priority and how I use my time. If scrolling my life away is not a priority, then it needs to go. I can fill that time in a more meaningful way.
I talked with friends about hopes and dreams. About what we would do if nothing were deemed impossible. Who would we be? Where would we live? What would we do with our time and resources? What choices would this fun, and totally awesome, person make? I loved seeing the endless possibilities available to us. When letting go of barriers, these dreams became endless, they became possible. Some would take more time to create, but the ideas we came up with weren’t really unattainable. Some would, however, take millions of dollars. Pretend is fun that way.
So, I have asked myself a couple of things:
If nothing were impossible, what would I do, be or have?
And, within the parameters of my life, how do I start to do, be or have those things?
The first question takes limitless imagination. The second takes creativity and flexibility. Both are personal and unique to the answerer. Both are limited by the answerer’s capacity to imagine. My imagination is obnoxious, so the open-ended possibilities are the best things about it, and the most frightening.
I feel another crossroads creeping in. Much of the last year has felt stagnant, so much so that I stopped doing the few things that were helping me. Soon I am going to have to make some choices. Do I stay as I am, or do I try something new? Do I allow the doubts, worries and fears keep me from growing or choose growth? Do I stay still, or do I move?
Maybe what I should really ask is what am I the most willing to fail at? What would be worth the discomfort?
With the new year here, everyone is using the “new year, new me” motto. This motto sucks, and I wanted to remind everyone that change is unavoidable. Like the light at the end of the tunnel (that could be a train), you will meet change, but the best alterations to life are the ones you choose with love in mind.
We’re all on this journey together, but separate. United by our existence and alone with our lives. Welcome to the world of contradictions, conundrums and confusion. I wish you good luck. Feel free to let me know what happens.
Katie
Health Coach Katie 